Five Kinds of Back to School Moms

All around the area, school bells are ringing, and alarms are going off way, way WAY too early (6 am over here). With my older two officially in real school this year, I am officially a back-to school mom. I’ve noticed that there are several different types of back to school moms – which one (or ones) are you?

She counts down the days until school starts and her Facebook status on the first day of school is one of total joy. See you in 7 hours, kids, mama has plans for mimosas with her friends!

Since May, she’s been neglecting her hair and nails, and put off any doctor and dentist appointments because hiring a babysitter is no fun. She’s also scheduled the exterminator, a contractor and a deep cleaning of the house while it’s practically empty. And probably a massage for herself–because summertime parenting is intense.

Leading up to the first day of school, her Facebook posts are all TimeHops of her babies when they were actual babies. She’s been their constant caretaker for so long, she’s come to identify with her captors. How can they abandon her now? She’s the one crying in car line, to the point that she’s holding things up (and, slowing down FREEDOM!! mom and appointment mom who have busy days planned without their kids)

When you lament that the early mornings are hard for your family, she lets you know it’s not a problem for her family because SHE moved bedtime and wakeup time in 15 minute increments leading up to the start of school. Clothes are laid out the night before, and somehow her kids’ shoes never go missing. And she NEVER has a hard time with lunches because she has a Pinterest board of 30 days of no-repeat lunches, because for her, Pinterest is a to-do list.

When you’re complaining about how early school starts, she’s secretly rejoicing. Soon, the parks, the zoo, the museums, and everywhere else she wants to go, will be practically empty, ready for her to enjoy with her kids and their homeschool co-op. Stockholm Syndrome mom is secretly jealous of her, and FREEDOM!! mom has a mimosa on her behalf. Homeschool mom is unaware because she’s at the beach now that everyone else is back in school. She doesn’t start her kids until after Labor Day.